Dear Couch,
Thank you so much for letting me sleep on you this past night, but I really have to go now because I was extremely drunk last night and I have no clue where my phone, wallet, or keys are. You were very comfortable a little cold in the middle of the night and a pillow would have helped but other than that you were a lot better than the floor. But as I first stated that I must go, mainly because I have absolutely no clue who you belong to and I can hear someone in the kitchen and I don't really want to want to talk to who ever lives in this house.....awkward.
Party on Garth
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